Biyernes, Abril 13, 2012

may i moment, please

yes, i know.
was all i said. they’re probably right. sometimes i need to accept things thrown at me—the slapping on the face and the stabbing. but the thing is, i can’t  be a sitting duck and lie and wait here for my condemnation. no one’s to justify for myself except myself; i have to contend.

yes, i know.
for they don’t know much about me. and i have to understand. the misjudgments; the  falling-shorts; the never-enough’s; standards; understatements; faults; it’s okay. those be true to a certain extent but not necessarily be my totality, and I am sure of that. maybe it’s time for me to change my attitude, or character, or temperament or whatever.

yes, i know.
and i don’t have to explain for I cannot explain every single detail. as old celia says, i don’t owe anybody an explanation. i am not gonna be the person they all want me to be, for i am not the person they all thought i am. i’m too stubburn to live up to their expectations.

yes, i know.
they’re thinking i am less my worth. being underrated. time has to prove them WRONG.

yes, i know.
but i don’t care! it’ll only cause more acne on my face. if they want to drag me down they better show something everyone can frown upon rather than merely giving labels. haven’t they become sickened by it yet? and to tell those labels meagerly pull me down. am not born to perfection, are they? And those labels says who? Oh—them...okay. Bring on something notoriously real, bitches.

yes, i know.
i am too slow. i am still testing the waters. but the good thing with my inexperience is that it spared me from the pain of making wrong decisions. i still have a lot of things to learn and still in the learning to a lot of things. i hate taking things hastily..but dealing my impulsivity on spur of the moments is quite a challenge.

yes, i know.
and i am not bragging. i was never loud and proud in the first place. i face and am beginning to deal with the reality that i, and the star in me will in time shine the brightest and the sour loser bitches will fall down to their knees in awe and trepidation, ha!

yes, i know.
...but can’t and won’t make any promises. i hate to disappoint you. i cannot bring myself standing aface and looking you in the eye and making a word i cannot fulfill. can’t do that. sorry.

yes, i know.
..and sorry i cannot afford it. i am cutting down the chase now it is too pricey. tell me is it really that valuable? there’s gonna be more and a whole lot of things in store out there. big things to come for me and for life. More exciting, more interesting, more valuable and much  worthy for the chase!

for all those years i haven’t really thought how things worked for me, how things fell into place and why. but i was never as lucky or as unfortunate either. as i have said, i’m still in the learning to a lot of things—new things. and still have to understand how and why they come about. but on the other hand, things don’t have to be rationalized all the time. sometimes our emotions have to be considered as well  in deciding. that is why we are also emotional (not only rational & spiritual) beings for us to become whole. and yes, i know..

everywhere i go i get reminded of how things were. how i missed those days and the people i once knew. how i missed you. everywhere they’re following and the shadows and calls i still can hear & feel. the stomps of the mem’ries getting closer and louder echoing my every step. the moments embarking on the vessel of my present, always chasing the days.

sailing back far off the the sea of undulating sentiments to where i sit and think, i found myself typing all these emotions down. a deluge of random unexpressed drama that only now have been given chance be shown on the silver screen, flowing on, and little by little in seconds dissolve itself in the filthy air.

and with a snap awaken in the real dimension, that those were just fleeting moments and surplus memories. . . . and this act has already become a surfeit of shit. enough of it drama queen!

..yes, i know.




Disclaimer: the photos used for this post are not owned by the author.

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