Biyernes, Setyembre 28, 2012

times of emptiness

i hesitated for a moment slowly remembering what the password was. having numerous accounts on various social networking sites confused me, perhaps, on the very minute a monotonous moment like this dull me to the nerves.

my heart skipped a bit when upon entering the account at last, seeing a red hint right on the notifications bar—

got 2 messages.

it was almost accidental when a colleague brought up to the conversation this someone, when we talked the other day. someone i used to know. he that i already forgot……okay, spare me, trying to forget. the weight of the information was substantial in a way. i went home with a heft of weariness 

he already is with someone else”, she recounted.

there’s someone out there for me: i shove my mind to thinking as my thoughts swept through the details of my life when i strongly believed someone out there really exists. he may be lost as i am. but how can we meet? how can destiny align our paths and make our roads cross? will he be able to notice me? 

but i had enough of the thoughts

i have waited and waited and waited that it already has become mundane...something i casually do every single day.

i was still feeling the heft of the news. this is one of those days i hated most—i wanted to become so deeply upset and inflict on myself the ache but have gone numb after life’s everything caught up on me the past days. but thank God it’s almost bedtime.. so that night instead of honing the confidence i had for love, i went right to my computer hoping to find something roughly to fill such futile times—so the messages.

and i harked back to a familiar scene where i was leaning towards a dimly-lit computer monitor in a gloomily illuminated room, looking for that meaningless affection in the cyber universe where everyone there, though captivating and beautiful, flaunted smiles that bare out their own emptiness and longing. 

and i realized i am one of them 

because, it was the same longing and emptiness that have slain the buoyancy in me, as harrowing and sad as it sounds.

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2 komento:

  1. shit.

    if only you can just choose to be asexual, no?

  2. i got stupid one time when i would try (or push myself) to never fall for any one else..again. emotions are distractions and could lead to downfall so better ignore or i'll fail in life. but then again you get to be alone, and feelings of longing of having someone just to be there with you is killing like hell. ughhh... such times.

    btw, its gud to see u Herbs. ur blog is one of my inspirations. :)