i already have told you thisbut saying it again anyway: i have stopped doing facebook.. and stopped mean deactivating (temporarily) my account last july 15, exactly a year to that unforgettable incident.. errr. but the date has really no relevance, i didn’t even know. pero why bakla, buhkett? apparently, it has been boring and thought the information im getting from every friend update's adding up a pile of stress on me (napaka-haffected ko nomon). nakakastress lang ang mga bali-balita it came to the point i got fed up. not to mention the parade of selfies that are so nakaka-hellerr?.. hanubei, gandang-ganda lang ba talaga sa mga sarili te?koko-inggit nomon! choss. excuse to those whoever this points a finger at but i get annoyed with selfies. i'm getting to think that these soc networking sites are becoming an avenue to spur narcissism among us but shrinking the substance. it made me remember this friend who was pushing me to visit her albums & Like her fotos. kafaal ng feyz! hanu ako fan, utusan ba? of course i did no stupid. but more are drawn only to their fishbowl of Likes and Comments that are very side supporting, or should i say,just for the sake of. not to generalize but, hey people..
call me a nerd (Nerd!), or a loser (Loser!), or gay (fuck!) but i really felt that i don’t belong there anymore. my good friends too are hardly ever be regular so what’s the point? i once told Dacota and another friend about this tirade and they also shared their varying thoughts.i have this notion that online friendships are no different than shitty quasi friendships; lacks depth and sincerity. there are exceptions of course. but if that is too presupposing then i don’t care, that’s how i felt and i trusted my intuition better than my seatmate. but who knows, i may get to be back sooner, say a year after?, when everything’s sorted out at least.. (as if everyone cares too!).
but life gets better even without facebook. am as to this point enjoying another site which i think is more motivating than scrolling down on selfies
yaz galfriends i’m on PR. and this site made me think i had been spending too much of my spare time clicking Likes and missed on this. so far it’s been quite interesting. this i suppose is what i’ve been looking for: an opening to date local men! i already have met three and more to come. isn't that exciting?
just wondering though, because i put on my profile data ‘Gay’ but almost everyone there is ‘Bisexual’ even those power bottom sissies… bisexual? really?
she is a stone brick still as everything else that lined the streets that ran the miles into her beautiful home; long she's been there. she is a stone brick she smiles in peace the creases that run on her serene face leading but nowhere; long she's been there. she is a stone brick that has lain in the nights where the cold air breathes some jolly joyful company they then gather by the side; long she's been there. she is a stone brick she came home one day: "mama, make my bed up sick am very i need to sleep.." gone the outside she played; long she's been there. so mama made her bed up as she made up the bricks piling it high at the waist, where the other bricks on the garden—sat.. long they've been there. she is a stone brick that ran the miles her serene face that has lain in the nights on the garden—sat.. long she'd been there.
was a born and raised by very devout catholic parents, so i was religious.
i remember when we were young my father would always gather us before dinner to
recite the rosary. it went on every evening that even if i don’t feel like
doing it we must; thus became a tedious routine for me until such time i recall
feeling very happy and relieved that we don’t have to do it anymore after both
my parents decided to work overseas.
studying in catholic schools from first grader to high school, i never had a
solid understanding of what a Christian really mean. all i knew was that i go
to church, go to confession with a priest every once in a while, receive
communion and, recite the prayers. i had this unusual extreme feeling of
anxiety whenever i’m in a Mass (Eucharistic celebration), so strange and
discomfiting like i’m burning and it lasted until i have the freedom to choose
not to go anymore..
only firm Catholics my parents were, my relatives are from Baptist churches as
well, so the picture’s there—a closeted gay boy being in that very awkward
environment. there are other practices in Catholicism i also have issues with,
the one very apparent is in the form of Idolatry. when i stopped going to
church that sort of gave me a break
for quite some time. though during college i’ve totally withdrawn from
attending mass and any catholic-related going-ons, it was also the time when i
experienced my lowest moments: i became empty and was oblivious on what to do
with my spiritual life. unconsciously i may have somehow felt meaningless from
withdrawing on my religiouspractice. i was so alone though
surrounded with friends i didn’t know where i was leading to. quite a
tough transition. it all but then turned out to be a false guilt when
finding another church became the turning point: i landed in a Born-again
i found my place. and was founded with strong principles in my faith and made
me feel like am home. it probably was the first time over the years that i became
so devoted to my faith and my church. it was also when i began reading the
Bible, and there have been things that i never would have known if i remained being
a catholic. i learn that prayers are not to be recited, but,should be done in
open-heartedness and spontaneity. so many things i have experienced and had a
great company with my new family
i felt the connection and peace i was digging down me for years.
i’d only thought..
an old issue came surfacing again after my three years—
am a homosexual. and my new-found church thinks differently towards gay people,
generalizing their lifestyle and prejudging homosexuality as a whole. and when
asked about it i resorted to lying and denying my true self. it has always been
an issue on why my religions won't be able to reconcile my being gay.
Homosexuality may have been a very broad matter: sociology
(societal norms), psychology, genetics, religion, culture, history, and even
language. but as broad and complex as it seem one can only tell if it’s really
morally wrong to be living gay not
unless one is gay himself. living a gay way of life doesn’t necessarily mean
promiscuity. people thought it IS a choice of lifestyle & an illness that
CAN be cured.
ask about their view to this matter, most priests and spiritual leaders usually
go back by referring to what the Bible “says” about it. has the Bible
reallysaid something about it, or it’s
just what the Bible READS? i may want to give an example
it short folks, that’s what it “said” in the famous book of Leviticus (Lev.20:13). in the modern definition of Abomination, it denotes something
that is very Shameful or Immoral. when we use this modern meaning
when translating what we read, does it also tell us that it’s immoral
to mix your crops; or wear wool and linen together; or cut your hair and beard; or putting tattoo marks on your body? how about
working on a Sabbath? these were ALSO written in Leviticus (Lev. 19). Abomination—when we
take into consideration the context of history and culture of the Jews at that
time rather mean, or is used to address a ritual wrong or done against their
traditions; NEVER is it used to denote to something that is innately immoral.
another example: eating pork was an abomination to the Jews because it
was against their ritual obligation, but is not innately immoral to eat pork.
what about the Sodom & Gomorrah?
isn’t that a clear example of homosexual immorality? youmay ask.
God told Abraham he will destroy the cities of Sodom & Gomorrah because it has become
exceedingly corrupt (Gen. 19). so He sent two messenger angels and they appeared
in the form of men at Sodom by the evening where Lot saw them. he invited them to his house where Lot and his family entertained them, fed them & allowed them to
have lodging. it was required among Hebrew people to take care of the strangers
when they come to your door and everyone was obligated to do so. Sodom being a
wealthy city, committed a serious breach by violating it and cancelling the law
of entertaining travelers because they thought that these people could rob them
with their wealth. knowing that there were two strangers lodged in Lot's house
they send men to surrender them and threatened to "gang-rape" the
strangers if they won't show up. rape at that time specially among men is an act
of extreme humiliation: other forces that were defeated by the armies were
gang-raped to humiliate them and their kingdom. so, the angels struck and
blinded the people that were there and instructed Lot and his family to leave
the city before it was destroyed.
& Gomorrah is NOT a story of promiscuity, it’s a story of hostility, perversion,
Romans 1:24-27, NATURAL and UNNATURAL which was referred by Paul meant CUSTOMARY
and UNCUSTOMARY. it wasn’t customary to men and women having sex with the same
gender in the Jewish context but Paul saw it in the Greek world which he
considered as evidence of idolatry, referencing to exploitive same sex
relationships common among pagan Romans and Greeks, and worshiping the wrong
god, thus he included it in his letter to the Romans. but Paul didn’t
contemplate on the monogamous loving relationships that are common to
homosexual people today.
clearly has nothing to do directly with immorality even romantic homosexual
relationships when it’s done in the framework of love, just like opposite sex
only THEM who preached bias and realized they brought prejudice, and THEM who
say Amen to that denigrates their own can imagine how much pain they
inflict. am thankful to God i read my Bible, and by letting me understand these things i love my God more, and i know
he loves me too because He came to the world for the sick and the oppressed not
for the well and proud. not even the Lord Jesus Christ spoke in the New
Testament against gay people.
i am still in search for another church that will welcome the person i am and
people like me without partiality. i know that there must be one because good
exists. i’m asian and i’m not gonna be doing anything to make my eyes
blue;i am happy and peaceful with what
i am.. so with regards to the dilemma of Self-reconciliation, or, being In-congruent
with other believers— which both by the way sounded great—i’d rather be on the
one that’s liberating to the soul: i’d rather lose my religion if that’s where
i will find my peace. and i bet deep inside, you would also choose the same.
is nothing wrong in a fifth grade understanding of God as long as you’re in
fifth grade”. _Rev. Dr.
Laurence C. Keene, Disciples of Christ