Miyerkules, Oktubre 23, 2013

woooot! ! !

Do you BEKIS know what today IS?

Of course it's Wednesday but I mean, the RELEVANCE of this date…*big smile*

Com’ on. . . .*blink blink*

Ughh, Fine..

Today this BLOG TURNS Two

2 YEARS baby...Weetwhew!!

so let's parteee and bring in the boys!!! 

Photos borrowed from: 

Lunes, Oktubre 21, 2013

losing my religion

...not my faith.

i was a born and raised by very devout catholic parents, so i was religious. i remember when we were young my father would always gather us before dinner to recite the rosary. it went on every evening that even if i don’t feel like doing it we must; thus became a tedious routine for me until such time i recall feeling very happy and relieved that we don’t have to do it anymore after both my parents decided to work overseas.

despite studying in catholic schools from first grader to high school, i never had a solid understanding of what a Christian really mean. all i knew was that i go to church, go to confession with a priest every once in a while, receive communion and, recite the prayers. i had this unusual extreme feeling of anxiety whenever i’m in a  Mass (Eucharistic celebration), so strange and discomfiting like i’m burning and it lasted until i have the freedom to choose not to go anymore..

not only firm Catholics my parents were, my relatives are from Baptist churches as well, so the picture’s there—a closeted gay boy being in that very awkward environment. there are other practices in Catholicism i also have issues with, the one very apparent is in the form of Idolatry. when i stopped going to church that sort of gave me a break for quite some time. though during college i’ve totally withdrawn from attending mass and any catholic-related going-ons, it was also the time when i experienced my lowest moments: i became empty and was oblivious on what to do with my spiritual life. unconsciously i may have somehow felt meaningless from withdrawing on my religious practice. i was so alone though surrounded with friends i didn’t know where i was leading to.  quite a tough transition. it all but then turned out to be  a false guilt when finding another church became the turning point: i landed in a Born-again community.

there i found my place. and was founded with strong principles in my faith and made me feel like am home. it probably was the first time over the years that i became so devoted to my faith and my church. it was also when i began reading the Bible, and there have been things that i never would have known if i remained being a catholic. i learn that prayers are not to be recited, but,should be done in open-heartedness and spontaneity. so many things i have experienced and had a great company with my new family i felt the connection and peace i was digging down me for years. 

but i’d only thought..

as an old issue came surfacing again after my three years—

i am a homosexual. and my new-found church thinks differently towards gay people, generalizing their lifestyle and prejudging homosexuality as a whole. and when asked about it i resorted to lying and denying my true self. it has always been an issue on why my religions won't be able to reconcile my being gay. Homosexuality may have been a very broad matter: sociology (societal norms), psychology, genetics, religion, culture, history, and even language. but as broad and complex as it seem one can only tell if it’s really morally wrong to be living gay not unless one is gay himself. living a gay way of life doesn’t necessarily mean promiscuity. people thought it IS a choice of lifestyle & an illness that CAN be cured.

when ask about their view to this matter, most priests and spiritual leaders usually go back by referring to what the Bible “says” about it. has the Bible really  said something about it, or it’s just what the Bible READS? i may want to give an example


making it short folks, that’s what it “said” in the famous book of Leviticus (Lev.20:13). in the modern definition of Abomination, it denotes something that is very Shameful or Immoral. when we use this modern meaning when translating what we read, does it also tell us that it’s immoral to mix your crops; or wear wool and linen together; or cut your hair and beard; or putting tattoo marks on your body? how about working on a Sabbath? these were ALSO written in Leviticus (Lev. 19). Abomination—when we take into consideration the context of history and culture of the Jews at that time rather mean, or is used to address a ritual wrong or done against their traditions; NEVER is it used to denote to something that is innately immoral.

here’s another example: eating pork was an abomination to the Jews because it was against their ritual obligation, but is not innately immoral to eat pork.

but what about the Sodom & Gomorrah? isn’t that a clear example of homosexual immorality? you  may ask.

God told Abraham he will destroy the cities of Sodom & Gomorrah because it has become exceedingly corrupt (Gen. 19). so He sent two messenger angels and they appeared in the form of men at Sodom by the evening where Lot saw them. he invited them to his house where Lot and his family entertained them, fed them & allowed them to have lodging. it was required among Hebrew people to take care of the strangers when they come to your door and everyone was obligated to do so. Sodom being a wealthy city, committed a serious breach by violating it and cancelling the law of entertaining travelers because they thought that these people could rob them with their wealth. knowing that there were two strangers lodged in Lot's house they send men to surrender them and threatened to "gang-rape" the strangers if they won't show up. rape at that time specially among men is an act of extreme humiliation: other forces that were defeated by the armies were gang-raped to humiliate them and their kingdom. so, the angels struck and blinded the people that were there and instructed Lot and his family to leave the city before it was destroyed.

Sodom & Gomorrah is NOT a story of promiscuity, it’s a story of hostility, perversion, and inhospitality.

in Romans 1:24-27, NATURAL and UNNATURAL which was referred by Paul meant CUSTOMARY and UNCUSTOMARY. it wasn’t customary to men and women having sex with the same gender in the Jewish context but Paul saw it in the Greek world which he considered as evidence of idolatry, referencing to exploitive same sex relationships common among pagan Romans and Greeks, and worshiping the wrong god, thus he included it in his letter to the Romans. but Paul didn’t contemplate on the monogamous loving relationships that are common to homosexual people today.

homosexuality clearly has nothing to do directly with immorality even romantic homosexual relationships when it’s done in the framework of love, just like opposite sex relationships.

if only THEM who preached bias and realized they brought prejudice, and THEM who say Amen to that denigrates their own can imagine how much pain they inflict. am thankful to God i read my Bible, and by letting me understand these things i love my God more, and i know he loves me too because He came to the world for the sick and the oppressed not for the well and proud. not even the Lord Jesus Christ spoke in the New Testament against gay people.

now i am still in search for another church that will welcome the person i am and people like me without partiality. i know that there must be one because good exists. i’m asian and i’m not gonna be doing anything to make my eyes blue;  i am happy and peaceful with what i am.. so with regards to the dilemma of Self-reconciliation, or, being In-congruent with other believers— which both by the way sounded great—i’d rather be on the one that’s liberating to the soul: i’d rather lose my religion if that’s where i will find my peace. and i bet deep inside, you would also choose the same.

“There is nothing wrong in a fifth grade understanding of God as long as you’re in fifth grade”. _Rev. Dr. Laurence C. Keene, Disciples of Christ

Biyernes, Oktubre 11, 2013


..Enter. Sent.

it would be unfair to blame you for the circumstance just because. sometimes we need to hold unto just whatever to get a grip and get by day-to-day. i understand you are as of the moment broke, that your mother just died of a terminal illness and your older brotherwho has assumed the responsibility of your deceased father of sending you to schoolcan't anymore handle the financial impact these fateful circumstances have brought your family. i'm very blessed i have by my side people who stood there with. i totally felt for you because i also had my share of the same situation when my father died of stroke and later, when gram-ma got sick.. it was bothering seeing her wail with pain and her cry was so much for me to bear. she had liver cirrhosis then. as much as i am troubled, i can't describe how my mother must have felt at that time for her ailing mom, she must have been in enormous amount of emotional and mental distress again. but to say is just an understatement, it was so helpless. among her siblings my mother got to take care of her simply because she's in our charge. believe me i have gone through those and it was very hard, and i was studying at the same time. so when you told me about what's happening in your life it also have bothered me to some extent.

but as much as i wanted to be there i can only console you and give my deepest regrets with your misfortunes to somehow give you solace. i also was having a hard time myself with my own life, and my problems though not as tough as yours, were giving me sleepless nights and headaches. seemed that life is catching up on us..

you once told me i'm an angel sent from heavena bit sweetbut i immediately broke that notion because the reality is that i'm not and i don't want you to think of me that way, that's too much to live the reputation. when i told you i can't help you this time it was because i really can't. and i was not prejudging you of something you think contrary to your accusations. i even didn't say anything except what i have told. needless to say, i already have extended help twice, and i can't sustain if it went on. that third time i think was too much so i’d better put an end...

so, i am sorry if it may have broke your heart

...but it also broke mine.

"im sorry j**f, but i think i have done my part already. i have gone too far on this to the point of feeling guilty for both you & myself. guilty towards you because with what i'm doing am not teaching you (to stand up & be strong). guilty for myself that i've done pathetic things in my life & haven't yet learned from those. is being too nice a bad thing? sometimes i get to ask. but i hope i'll put an end to this guilt, you may hate me for it. i won't hate you and never will i but i have spoken & have done enough."

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