Martes, Abril 29, 2014

my pseudo-rant

Lord kailan ko po ba malalamang handa na po ako sa pag-ibig? antagal ko na kasing naghihintay para sa taong yan eh.. nagpalit na po ng taon, wala pa rin xa..malamig pa rin ang gabi. araw-araw ko itong inisip; nag-aabang. gabi-gabi ring nananaginip.

ihanda Nyo na po ako sa pagdating niya, at xa rin sa’kin. minsan kasi iniisip kong hindi na xa darating at wala na akong hihintayin pa. parang wala kasing nagpaparamdam, hindi ba nila ako napapansin? kailangan ko ba talagang mag-ingay? me hinahangaan po ako ngayon pero marami na po akong kakumpetensya. marami man ang pumipila para sa kanyang atensyon sa palagay ko kung sasali pa ako andun na ako sa pinakahuli; walang kasiguraduhang mapapansin at papansinin pa niya..

Lord bakit ako nagkakagusto sa mga taong alam kong wala akong pag-asa? di ba possibleng mapansin din nila ako’t ma-atrak din sila sa bangs ko, imposible ba kaagad? ambisyosa na ba ako? maganda naman ako di ba? kadalasan kasi unrequited at kusa na lang silang lumalayo, kaya kung umibig man ako di ko na lang ito sinasabi kasi natatakot na rin akong maayawan, nakapanliliit kasi eh.

hindi naman ako naniniwalang pangit ako, di lang siguro stand-out sa kagandahan; at kung pangit man ako meron at meron pa rin naman sigurong lalapit di po ba?

okay lang naman sa akin ang maghintay ng matagal basta alam kong siguradong me darating talaga. at kung Ikaw ang me bigay, alam kong para talaga sa akin yon. kung hindi Niyo po kasi alam, hindi pa po ako nagkaroon ng totoong boyfriend lahat pseudo-relationships lang yung tipong  textmates at OL ligawan lang, di naman nagkakaseryosohan at wala ring nagpapakatotoo at nagsiseryoso.

matagal na akong gustong bumitaw pero ewan ko ba.. hindi kasi ako naniniwalang me taong walang nakatalagang magmamahal sa kanya, imposible naman siguro yun pag wala talaga.. kung sino man xa iniisip nya na rin po ba ako?  gwapo ba siya, matipuno at matangkad? magaan ba siyang kausap? masipag ba? alam Nyo po naman ang gusto ko diba?

haaay, inaantok na po ako.  sa panaginip baka sakaling ibang mukha na naman ang bibisita ngayong gabi…malay natin isa pala talaga sa kanila ang soulmate at future boyfriend ko.. in fairness Lord ha, lahat ng mga dumadalaw sa panaginp ko ang gu-gwapo! kaya masaya na rin kahit papano. gudnyt po. patulugin niyo po ako ng maayos at sana gigisingin nyo pa po ako bukas ng umaga. baka sakaling pagbukas ko ng aking mga mata, katabi ko na xa.

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Biyernes, Abril 18, 2014

that once

i can only wish he would have noticed me in a different way.

my heart was filled with delight every time you were in sight, hearing your voice, or just listening to the rhythm of nothing when you were close and there was nothing at the moment between us but our heartbeats. that i was once so enthused to wake up on an unexciting day rising to the thought that the feeling would go on forever causing my lips to stretch up to my ears lingering  ‘til the evening as i then close my eyes & look forward to more tomorrows..

that once you  tried to experience feeling the same way;  and you’d fondly think of me when you retire upon your bed at night, imagining me. that you’d also spare a thought once in a while longing for just a sight or my mere presence. that your heart was filled with songs & the melodies which are ever new to you are playing over again those days, confusing, conflicting, and returning to haunt your empty moments piping but a tune to an endeared spirit.

that once
you fancied your lips touching mine as our arms locked, us promising love on whatever else we choose to do unchanging even over the changing times. that the mem’ries of us together became a friend to you & a constant companion through thin and your thinnest times when everyone has deserted and all that was left were your broken pieces.

…that i’d only thought about those things. as it turns out however, the reverse.

that i once wrote your name over and over again but never got tired, only frustrated.

that there was a toilsome hankering buried deep in the thoughts that depletes & consumes me from within. the gift you gave  which will be kept forever—will bear hopes that someday we’ll meet again by any means. that up until now even if i tried i failed to not think of us and what could’ve been resonating on to my quiet days.

that once i looked up and tried counting the stars & plucking them out with my hands; the ridiculousness of yearning for your embrace i could only heave above before resigning into the twinkly thoughts of make-believes.

that i have loved and got hurt. embracing the pain scar conceding therefore to the thought that the scar is but a friend & a constant companion through my emptiness.

and that once, i never really believed in Love but found myself waking up smiling on a happy thought one morning because i never would have thought i ever could experience it myself.

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Lunes, Abril 14, 2014

top 5 gay-themed

gay-themed films have been eating my spare time (oh wait, not only spare time). i never had the luxury of chances to watch these at home so i, ahem, discreetly watch them in the workplace instead while, well, working? LOL

so these topped my list of 5 Gay-themed Movies. try checking on the link by clicking the titles.

5. TARIMA (Filipino Indie, 2010)
a moving, exceptional love story between a man who lost his passion and a weather-beaten homosexual man torn between his forbidden love and his devotion to his God set off inside a makeshift love nest called "Tarima".

it is the story of a dressmaker for religious icons and relics of Quiapo church named Roselo (Fanny Serrano), who found love in a much unexpected place-The Manila City Jail-through a young man named Bryan (Rocky Salumbides) who was inculcated in a brutal murder of a Chinese family. in this movie, you will find out why an inmate’s antagonism towards the dressmaker blossomed into curiosity. and see how their friendship flourished into something only the movie could express.

i never expected Fanny Serrano to be such a good actor; i never saw him in the movies or on television soaps before. Rocky’s performance as well leveled, quite convincing for his role portraying a snob, mysterious inmate. very masculine.

Tarima is an advocacy film for the inmates who are victims of injustice. it is also an advocacy film to uplift the image of the marginalized sector of Philippine society--the third sex. this film is based on a true story.
Cast of Characters:
Fanny Serrano
Gloria Romero
Rocky Salumbides
Rustica Carpio
Gina Alajar
Ana Capri
Tiya Pusit
JP Mesda
Rap Rap Leuterio
Dan Alvaro
Raymond Cabral
Oscar Peralta
Jett Rai
Tita Swarding

the american independent drama film The War Boys is directed by Ronald Daniels is based on the play of the same title by writer Naomi Wallace.

three young and bored childhood friends spend their spare time during college's spring break around the border that separates the U.S. from Mexico; living on the U.S. side of the border, they help the police patrol chase back underground Mexican immigrants.

the story went on when one of David’s dad's trucks loaded with black market TVs from Mexico got stolen. the father (Peter Gallagher) vows to avenge the theft, unsuspecting to his son David the real mastermind of the stealing.

David (Benjamin Walker) had an unforgettable intriguing childhood past with Brian J. Smith’s character which was rekindled once again in the middle part of the movie. and the two eventually developed a relationship, an affair that is more than friendship. this is quite an interesting movie that i was the whole time having hots on Brian J. Smith. A must-watch!  :)
Directed by Ronald Daniels
Produced by
Carly Hugo
Matt Parker
Gill Holland
John Hart
Jeff Sine
Written by
Naomi Wallace
Bruce McLeod
Benjamin Walker
Victor Rasuk
Brian J. Smith
Greg Serano
Teresa Yenque
Cheyenne Serano
Micaela Nevárez
Peter Gallagher
Music by Stephen Cullo
Cinematography: Horacio Marquínez
Editing by David Leonardo
Studio Group Entertainment
Distributed by Snapping Turtle Films
Release date(s): August 7, 2009 (2009-08-07)(United States)
Running time: 92 minutes
Country: United States

a Canadian-American drama film based on a true story: the relationship between Barry Winchell and Calpernia Addams and the events that paved way to Barry's murder by fellow soldier Calvin Glover. it was written by Ron Nyswaner and directed by Frank R. Pierson, with Troy Garity starring as Barry and Lee Pace starring as Calpernia.

Barry is a private with the 101st Airborne Division of the United States Army, stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky. Calpernia works as a showgirl at a transgender revue in Nashville, Tennessee when the two met in 1999. Barry's roommate Justin Fisher (Shawn Hatosy) brings Barry to the club where she performs. when Barry and Calpernia begin seeing each other regularly, Fisher begins spreading rumors on base about their relationship, which appeared to be a violation of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy about discussing the sexual orientation of military personnel. Barry faces increasing harassment and pressure, which explode into violence over Fourth of July weekend while Calpernia performs in a pageant in Nashville.

i like this movie because i have an unexplainable admiration towards men in the military and this movie somehow made me relate with it. it also in a way created a picture on how two people of very different fields could cross each others paths and fall in-love; how it was made possible. Soldier's Girl was hailed as one of the ten best Television Programs of the Year (2003) by the American Film Institute.

Directed by Frank Pierson
Written by Ron Nyswaner
Barclay Hope
Troy Garity
Lee Pace
Music by Jan A.P. Kaczmarek
Cinematography: Paul Sarossy
Editing by Katina Zinner
Running time: 112 minutes
Country: United States, Canada
Language: English

Shelter is quite a cute film i say. it was a tale about a young aspiring artist Zach (Trevor Wright) living in San Pedro, California, who has put off his dreams of going to art school in order to work and help his older sister Jeanne (Tina Holmes), his disabled father, and his five-year-old nephew Cody. Zach met his best friend Gabe's older brother Shaun when Shaun (Brad Rowe) came back home from Los Angeles for a few weeks. Shaun would be the person who encourages Zach to take control of his life and pursue his ambition of going to CalArts, a large university of the arts. they develop a close friendship as they go time and again surfing together and watching over Cody.

one night after drinking, Zach and Shaun share a kiss. however, Zach is not prepared to give in to his feelings immediately and struggles with whether or not he may be gay. soon however, he gives in and their relationship developed into a romance. following this, Jeanne questioned who Zach is seeing, becoming aware of his sudden happy behavior. i can remember the scene where Zach was driving and sweetly smiling at his pleasant thoughts about him and Shaun; that was i think one of the most memorable scenes in the film. kinilig daw bigla ang peg ng beki la fea! sino ba ang hindi, eh both the main protagonists are good looking and they certainly look perfect together!

Directed by Jonah Markowitz
Produced by JD Disalvatore
Written by Jonah Markowitz
Trevor Wright
Brad Rowe
Tina Holmes
Ross Thomas
Music by J. Peter Robinson
Cinematography Joseph White
Editing by Michael Hofacre
Distributed by here! Films
Regent Releasing (US)
Running time 88 minutes
Country United States
Language English

who could forget these lines from Jack Twist: “i don't care if you're movin' slow or fast, as long as it's my direction” and “i wish i knew how to quit you”

certainly this movie caught the hearts of a wide variety of audience with a very thoughtful storyline and artistically-done cinematography. both the actors’ control over their roles and delivery were remarkable as well as the supporting roles of Anne Hathaway & Michelle Williams.

the story is set Wyoming. the film's significance has been attributed to its portrayal of a same-sex relationship that emphasizes the tragic love story aspect, which leads to the comparison of Ennis and Jack's drama to classic and modern romances like Romeo and Juliet or Titanic, often using the term star-crossed lovers. it is a film adaptation of the 1997 short story of the same name by Annie Proulx.

this movie has always been on top of my to watch! list and i waited a long time to see finally see it. the movie’s longer run time is worth it and is unnoticeable after a 2+ hours of viewing pleasure. i liked how director Ang Lee depicted the ending, when 19-year-old Alma Jr. (Kate Mara) arrives at her father's (Ledger) trailer with the news that she’s engaged. she asked for his blessing and invited him to the wedding. Ennis asked her if her fiancé really loves her, and answered that he does. after Alma's departure, Ennis went to his closet. hanging on a nail on the door are the shirts with a postcard of Brokeback Mountain tacked above. Jack's shirt is tucked inside of Ennis's. Ennis fastens the top button of Jack's shirt, and with tears in his eyes mutters, "Jack, i swear..." while straightening the postcard before closing the door and walking away.

in my personal opinion, Brokeback Mountain is one of the most unforgettable movies of all time. the same way it made me fall in-love, it also made me cry.
Directed by Ang Lee
Produced by
James Schamus
Larry McMurtry
Diana Ossana
Screenplay by Larry McMurtry
Diana Ossana
Based on Brokeback Mountain
by Annie Proulx
Heath Ledger
Jake Gyllenhaal
Anne Hathaway
Michelle Williams
Music by Gustavo Santaolalla
Cinematography: Rodrigo Prieto
Editing by Geraldine Peroni
Dylan Tichenor
Studio River Road Entertainment
Good Machine
Distributed by Focus Features
Release date(s) September 2, 2005 (2005-09-02) (Venice International Film Festival)
December 9, 2005 (2005-12-09) (United States)
December 23, 2005 (2005-12-23) (Canada)
Running time: 134 minutes
Country: United States, Canada
Language English
Budget $14 million
Box office $178,062,759

Prayers for Bobby is a 2009 television film that premiered on the Lifetime network on January 24, 2009. it is based on the book, Prayers for Bobby: A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son, by Leroy F. Aarons, which is itself based on the true story of the life and legacy of Bobby Griffith, a young gay man who killed himself in 1983 due to his mother's and community's homophobia. the film stars Ryan Kelley as Bobby Griffith and Sigourney Weaver as his mother, Mary.

Mary Griffith is a devout Christian who raises her children with the conservative teachings of the Presbyterian Church in the late 1970s and early 1980s Walnut Creek, California. Her son Bobby confides to his older brother that he may be gay. life changes for the entire family after Mary learns about his secret. Bobby's father and siblings slowly come to terms with his homosexuality, but Mary believes that God can cure him. she takes him to a psychiatrist and persuades Bobby to pray harder and seek solace in Church activities in hopes of changing him. desperate for his mother's approval, Bobby does what is asked of him, but through it all, the Church's disapproval of homosexuality and his mother's attempts to suppress his growing behaviors in public causes him to grow increasingly withdrawn and depressed.

stricken with guilt, Bobby moves to Portland, hoping that someday, his mother will accept him. he gives up on his hopes of defeating homosexuality. he finds a boyfriend, David (Scott Bailey), at a gay bar. despite meeting David's parents, who assure them that things will improve, Bobby continues thinking of his mother's words, and also sees David with another man. finally, Bobby's subsequent depression and self-loathing intensifies as he blames himself for not being the "perfect" son, and one night, he free falls off a freeway bridge into the path of an oncoming eighteen-wheeler truck, which kills him instantly.

after Bobby's tragedy, Mary begins to question herself and her church's interpretation of the Scripture. through her long and emotional journey, Mary slowly reaches out to the gay community and discovers unexpected support from a very unlikely source. she becomes acquainted with a local reverend of the Metropolitan Community Church, who convinces her to attend a meeting of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). it is there that she realizes that she knew Bobby was different from conception and that his true value was in his heart.

“ i know now why God didn’t heal Bobby. he didn’t heal him because … [breaks down in pained sobbing] … there was nothing wrong with him! ” 

the film was nominated for two Primetime Emmy Awards (Outstanding Made for Television Movie; Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or a Movie - Sigourney Weaver). in the same category, Sigourney Weaver was also nominated for the 2010 Golden Globe Award, as well as the 2010 Screen Actors Guild Award. the film won the 2010 GLAAD Media Award, and the producers were nominated for the 2010 Producers Guild of America Award. it also won the Audience Favorite Award at the Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival. Prayers For Bobby received 3.8 million total viewers during the film's January 24, 2009 premiere on Lifetime, with 2.3 million total viewers subsequently during the January 25, 2009 airdate with a combined total of 6.1 million viewers.

Directed by Russell Mulcahy
Produced by
Daniel Sladek
Chris Taaffe
David Permut
Stanley M. Brooks
Damian Ganczewski
Written by Katie Ford (teleplay)
Sigourney Weaver
Henry Czerny
Ryan Kelley
Music by Christopher Ward
Editing by Victor Du Bois
Country: United States
Language: English
Original channel Lifetime Television
Release date January 24, 2009 (2009-01-24)
Running time: 89 minutes